Monday, February 14, 2011

Calpis Creamy Chocolate

Happy Valentine's Day, ladies and gents! Whether you love it or you hate it, today is a day singled out for the expression of love, and mostly romantic love, at that. In Japan, women give men chocolate and gifts on Valentine's Day, and it's reciprocated on March 14th, or "White Day."

But of course! What better way to say "I love you" than chocolate?

How about...

Calpis Creamy Chocolate!


Well, actually, how about no.

But we'll get to that.

First of all, I feel like most of us think of brown when we think of chocolate? White chocolate, after all, isn't even REAL chocolate, since it's missing those essential cocoa solids. So the fact that "Creamy Chocolate" looks like this:

Too bad this is a family oriented blog, or I'd tell you what I think this looks like. disheartening. And we should actually take a minute now and talk about Calpis so you can understand why. A popular drink in Japan, Wikipedia offers "its ingredients include water, nonfat dry milk and lactic acid, and is produced by lactic acid fermentation." So it's a bit like yogurt, but either way, it's a dairy drink, so a mixed with chocolate, it could be good!

And it sure does have an unappealing name, huh? According to Quirky Japan, "the 'real story' is that Calpis is a compound of "Cal", short for calcium, (because milk is one of the main ingredients) and pis, short for 'sarupisu', a word describing one of the "five tastes" in Buddhism. It was chosen by the company's president, Kaiun Mishima, a music professor, and a Sanskrit expert. Apparently, 'pisu' was chosen over the 'piru' of 'sarupirumanda, the best of Buddhism's five tastes, because the music professor thought it sounded better."

So, with that out of the way, back to the beverage at hand and answer an important question: does it smell like chocolate?

Smells peculiar...

Nope. Not hardly. At least, not any chocolate I've ever had, in Japan or otherwise.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, Pillow has agreed to help out! Since, after all, what is a loved one for, if to sample potentially awful soft drinks with you?

Smells awful!

Surprise! He didn't like it.

Well, now for the taste test...

Do I have to?



I am so unwilling to do this.


So... um... well... huh.

That... is a flavor

That's, uh, a flavor, I guess. But I guess the question is... what flavor?


I have no idea!! Orange, maybe?? There's some citrus going on, but no chocolate!

So, I let Pillow try to suss it out.

Go on, try a little.


Pillow hates it!

He was not much help. But it was nice, not to suffer alone!

No sir.

Packaging: B-
Bouquet: C-
Interpretation of theme: D
All-around Taste: D
Final grade: C-

So, I give Calpis Creamy Chocolate a pass. I probably wouldn't advise giving it to your loved ones, or your friends, or your coworkers. I haven't tried normal Calpis, but I have a sneaking suspicion it probably tastes a lot like that... which means I think I'm gonna opt out of that one, too.

Until next time,

PS: For those of you sharp-eyed readers, why yes, I am not wearing my traditional bathrobe! I figured I'd dress it up a bit and wear some silky pajamas instead. Y'know. For Valentine's Day and all.